Me Time

I am in serious need of me time, but there is just too much to do. My house is in a state of disarray from not being here and working on it.  Yesterday was my little man's 6th birthday, but I managed to get my kitchen back in order. My cupboards are all back in order, and every dish is clean and put away. There is a mountain of laundry that I am working on today. I also plan to erradicate my living room of unneeded stuff.

Tomorrow, I am going to start working on my bedroom. I am hoping that by the end of the week I might have the majority of the house done. Rearranging and getting rid of an entire house of junk takes a while, especially when three kids are asking questions every five minutes. I am so ready to be done with this house so I can actually sit down for the first time this summer.

I would sit and take a day and relax, but I just can't seem to relax sitting in this filth. Sitting here thinking about cleaning and organizing isn't relaxing at all. Maybe once I'm done, I'll be able to relax. Luckily, I don't have any appointments or anything for at least a week so I don't have to go anywhere. I am off to "feng shui" my mind by organizing my surroundings. It is so much easier to think clearly when your house is in order. So, here goes. Wish me luck on this mammoth task. I can't wait to see the end result.

Closure

My husband and I finally received the results from the autopsy results from the doctor and the general thinking is that still there are no answers. So, once again, more testing on me to be done. In the mean time, we have finally decided on the name Caleb for our little angel; my fifth angel. Angel number four has the name of William. Sadly, we were unable to find out the sex for the other angels so they do not have names; though they have just as special a place in my heart.

I have been back and forth emotionally with hormones taking me on wild rides. I am starting to feel much better overall though. I feel some closure now that we have named our baby, and I am still sad, but something feels different now. I have made some personal decisions about many things and am looking forward to a future with my husband and three children.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me about loosing all my angels, I don't. I simply know that it wasn't meant to be and if it ever is, the perfect child will come to me at the perfect moment, just as the three I have now did at their times. Life is definately full of unexpected surprises, good and bad. It isn't easy to get through the bad, but it is possible and each has it's own way of making us stronger. The good are great and I am just waiting for my great surprise to happen, even if it isn't a baby.