I don't often have a lot to write about in my blog, but I figured I should update what is going on. Absolutely nothing! Seriously though, things are going alright. I have had a couple of days where I just wanted to crawl into a hole and not ever come out, but I'm starting to do better now. I know that problems, even those created by others, can only be fixed by doing something about them. I also know that all of us are entitled to have a bad day or two once in a while. I just happen to usually group mine together. I have had a lot of little things building up and I finally just fell down. I'm not up walking again, I'm more like crawling. I am pushing to get past my "cuts and bruises". Sometimes it's better to crawl than it is to not move at all.
I was supposed to have a hysteroscopy on Monday, but unforeseeable circumstances happened and I was unable to get it done. Now I have to wait until next month to get this procedure done. In case you don't know what the procedure is, it's a camera that is put inside of my uterus to check for scar tissue that may be making it difficult for the embryos implant deep enough. The doctors have also found that I am very low in vitamin D which they say has nothing to do with miscarriages, but from my reading I have seen that they are currently working on proving this very theory.
So here we wait. That is all we can do for the time being. They say that patience is a virtue; I think they say this because it is one of the most diifficult things to gain control over. I, like most people don't like to wait for answers. I have learned to figure out that answers will come along when they so choose and I am unable to change that so I wait as patiently as possible. I'm trying to tell myself that "good things come to those who wait."
I have pulled myself up off the floor once again and am ready for a new start. I don't feel that I am not accomplishing my goals that I put in place for myself, I am simply not accomplishing them as fast as I'd like to and I had to stop and take another look at the situation. My focus is now clear once again and I'm planning my next step.
It's ok to fall down once in a while, as long as you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and start on your path once again or choose another to start down.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Inspiration
All of us need a little inspiration at times. Sometimes, a new year is the inspiration; sometimes a birthday and sometimes, just hearing something can work. Yesterday, I heard a very inspirational quote; "a vision without a plan is a halucination."
The best way to get what you want is to make a plan; but how does one make a plan, when they have no idea where to start? Well, I have found that the best first step is to start at the end. If you decide what you want, you have already made the first step. Once you have figured out what it is that you desire to have or happen, make your plan backwards.
Here is an example: I working on going back to school. Ok, so my goal is me in school; first step taken. Now, I ask myself, what do I need? Well, in this instance (as in a lot of instances) money is the answer. Then I ask, how do I get what I need? I could, get a job, apply for financial aid, or get a loan. Ok. So, there are a few different options, so I start with the first one on the list.
First up was get a job. Having a child younger than school age, to get a job would involve daycare, which costs more than I would earn at this moment. So I decided to try option two for the time being. Second on my list was apply for financial aid. Then I ask myself, how do I do this? I start by talking to the school I am looking into going to and ask. The best way to get an answer is to go to the source. This is where I found out what paperwork I had to fill out to apply.
The hardest part of getting to goals is the waiting. I am in that stage. I am waiting on my paperwork to be processed. So, while I'm waiting, I am trying to think of my next step so I can move on, once I have an answer. I ask myself what are the different outcomes that are possible? First the is getting approved. That would be great, if I get approved, all I have to do is sign up for school and move on from there. The other alternative is not being approved. If not approved, what do I do next? I will have to look for alternatives to pay for school. So, I have a new goal to accomplish, obtaining money.
So I repeat all the steps.
1-what is it that I want?
2-what do I need to do to get this?
3-come up with a list of solutions.
4-work out each solution all the way through.
5-do this over and over, until your original goal is reached.
Sometimes, my inspiration comes from the tragic things that occur in my life. It isn't always easy to make a good thing out of the bad, but at least trying is what matters. I have been known to make lists about everything. Even in bad times of my life, I make a list because it is the easiest way for me to figure things out with what I am given.
Anyway, my inspirational words for the day are this: don't get down on yourself when things don't go the way you expect; just start a new list. It isn't an end to something, but the beginning of another adventure.
The best way to get what you want is to make a plan; but how does one make a plan, when they have no idea where to start? Well, I have found that the best first step is to start at the end. If you decide what you want, you have already made the first step. Once you have figured out what it is that you desire to have or happen, make your plan backwards.
Here is an example: I working on going back to school. Ok, so my goal is me in school; first step taken. Now, I ask myself, what do I need? Well, in this instance (as in a lot of instances) money is the answer. Then I ask, how do I get what I need? I could, get a job, apply for financial aid, or get a loan. Ok. So, there are a few different options, so I start with the first one on the list.
First up was get a job. Having a child younger than school age, to get a job would involve daycare, which costs more than I would earn at this moment. So I decided to try option two for the time being. Second on my list was apply for financial aid. Then I ask myself, how do I do this? I start by talking to the school I am looking into going to and ask. The best way to get an answer is to go to the source. This is where I found out what paperwork I had to fill out to apply.
The hardest part of getting to goals is the waiting. I am in that stage. I am waiting on my paperwork to be processed. So, while I'm waiting, I am trying to think of my next step so I can move on, once I have an answer. I ask myself what are the different outcomes that are possible? First the is getting approved. That would be great, if I get approved, all I have to do is sign up for school and move on from there. The other alternative is not being approved. If not approved, what do I do next? I will have to look for alternatives to pay for school. So, I have a new goal to accomplish, obtaining money.
So I repeat all the steps.
1-what is it that I want?
2-what do I need to do to get this?
3-come up with a list of solutions.
4-work out each solution all the way through.
5-do this over and over, until your original goal is reached.
Sometimes, my inspiration comes from the tragic things that occur in my life. It isn't always easy to make a good thing out of the bad, but at least trying is what matters. I have been known to make lists about everything. Even in bad times of my life, I make a list because it is the easiest way for me to figure things out with what I am given.
Anyway, my inspirational words for the day are this: don't get down on yourself when things don't go the way you expect; just start a new list. It isn't an end to something, but the beginning of another adventure.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Another Year Has Come and Gone
I can hardly believe that another year has come and gone once again. I'm sure that many people will agree with me when I say that it seems that as the years go by, time seems to go faster and faster.
This last year has been a roller coaster. When looking back at the year in review, it seems to me that there have been more downs than ups. Even so, I am trying to remember all the positive parts of my life. My children came back to my house in the spring, and that was the most wonderful Mother's Day present anyone could ever ask for. We have a house that is big enough for all of us and feels like home. Our bills are being paid. The kids are all in good health. Hannah and Zennek are both doing really well in school.
As for me, personally, things have been so-so. Loosing two babies this year has taken a toll on my health both physically and emotionally. So far the doctors are doing all kinds of testing. William's autopsy didn't come up with any answers. They have done ketotyping on both Chris and I and that has come back completely normal on both parts. The doctors are now ready to do another test on me to see if there is scar tissue preventing embryos from implanting deep enough. They are also continuing other blood work on me to see if there are other factors that might be the culpret. I am very hopeful since the doctors are finally taking the whole situation seriously.
I have started off this year in a positive mood. Today is only the 4th of January, but I feel I have been productive already. I feel good and I'm trying everything I can to make things better for myself. I have started to plan ahead a lot more than I have in the past. I have come to the conclusion that writing notes for myself is a very good thing. I have made the resolution to work on being more active in my daily routines as well as working on being an overall healthier person. I have concluded that in order for the things around me to go more smoothly, I have to take better care of myself.
2010 is going to be a good year. Life is all about choices and I choose to make mine for the better. I am doing more for myself as an individual. I am babysitting a few nights a week. I am playing with the kids more and working on letting the small stuff not bother me when I can't control them. I know that I won't get this perfect, but trying to put my plans into action is the first step. The beginning of a new year is only an excuse to work on the things I want to improve. The beginning of every single day can be the start, so why not get on with it?
Here I go!
This last year has been a roller coaster. When looking back at the year in review, it seems to me that there have been more downs than ups. Even so, I am trying to remember all the positive parts of my life. My children came back to my house in the spring, and that was the most wonderful Mother's Day present anyone could ever ask for. We have a house that is big enough for all of us and feels like home. Our bills are being paid. The kids are all in good health. Hannah and Zennek are both doing really well in school.
As for me, personally, things have been so-so. Loosing two babies this year has taken a toll on my health both physically and emotionally. So far the doctors are doing all kinds of testing. William's autopsy didn't come up with any answers. They have done ketotyping on both Chris and I and that has come back completely normal on both parts. The doctors are now ready to do another test on me to see if there is scar tissue preventing embryos from implanting deep enough. They are also continuing other blood work on me to see if there are other factors that might be the culpret. I am very hopeful since the doctors are finally taking the whole situation seriously.
I have started off this year in a positive mood. Today is only the 4th of January, but I feel I have been productive already. I feel good and I'm trying everything I can to make things better for myself. I have started to plan ahead a lot more than I have in the past. I have come to the conclusion that writing notes for myself is a very good thing. I have made the resolution to work on being more active in my daily routines as well as working on being an overall healthier person. I have concluded that in order for the things around me to go more smoothly, I have to take better care of myself.
2010 is going to be a good year. Life is all about choices and I choose to make mine for the better. I am doing more for myself as an individual. I am babysitting a few nights a week. I am playing with the kids more and working on letting the small stuff not bother me when I can't control them. I know that I won't get this perfect, but trying to put my plans into action is the first step. The beginning of a new year is only an excuse to work on the things I want to improve. The beginning of every single day can be the start, so why not get on with it?
Here I go!
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