Closure

My husband and I finally received the results from the autopsy results from the doctor and the general thinking is that still there are no answers. So, once again, more testing on me to be done. In the mean time, we have finally decided on the name Caleb for our little angel; my fifth angel. Angel number four has the name of William. Sadly, we were unable to find out the sex for the other angels so they do not have names; though they have just as special a place in my heart.

I have been back and forth emotionally with hormones taking me on wild rides. I am starting to feel much better overall though. I feel some closure now that we have named our baby, and I am still sad, but something feels different now. I have made some personal decisions about many things and am looking forward to a future with my husband and three children.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me about loosing all my angels, I don't. I simply know that it wasn't meant to be and if it ever is, the perfect child will come to me at the perfect moment, just as the three I have now did at their times. Life is definately full of unexpected surprises, good and bad. It isn't easy to get through the bad, but it is possible and each has it's own way of making us stronger. The good are great and I am just waiting for my great surprise to happen, even if it isn't a baby.